I survived!

Word of caution: this post explains in detail the goings on with my surgery and all, so skip this post if you're one of the many people I've grossed out lately. If you're interested in medical education and a little bit of "gross", then read on. I can't sit, so I AM sacrificing to do this update.

I survived the bathroom terrorist attack on Thursday. I have to say, the nasty solution you have to drink (I think it ended up being 10 glassfuls total) is far worse than the result it creates. Other than boredom in the bathroom, it wasn't that bad. No cramping. No launching off the seat. I was surprised at how not-miserable it was. Maybe it was the new prescription. I had to drink HalfLytely, just so you know.

I had to pump a lot of milk so Maren could care for Paisli while I was trapped in the bathroom. I couldn't nurse her until my system was cleared in case it gave her Montezuma's revenge also. I also had to pump for while I was in surgery under anesthesia.

When Friday and surgery rolled around, I was starving and so thirsty! I had an empty system and all I could think about was a big drink and lots of food.

I made it through surgery...with only one complication.

They messed up on my IV. They always do. I have never had an IV inserted on the first try where there wasn't a problem...can't get the vain, my skin's too tough, the tapes to hold it down are giving trouble, the tech is new and can't figure out what they're doing, etc...

This time I thought things would be different. I even told the nurse about my IV curse, and we all thought this would be my first successful IV. Wrong.

I was feeding Paisli, holding her head in the crook of my arm, and after she was done, I noticed that I had major swelling in my hand/arm. From my hand almost down to my elbow, I was PUFFED UP! I mean about triple size. I rang a nurse and she was really surprised to see it. She said the IV was infiltrated, meaning it either missed the vein or went through the vein, so the fluid was going into my tissues and puffing me up. They switched the IV to the other hand, and all was well, though my hand is still swollen today. Apparently it was something like 3 years since that had happened there previously. Johnson Jinx! Of course it would happen to me!

When it was time for surgery, they put the adorable cap on my head and rolled me around about 10 corners and through 10 doors, or so it seemed.


The O.R. was freezing cold, so they put warm blankets on me and hooked up my heart monitors. The anesthesiologist joked about how my surgery was really "a pain in the a..", then he put an oxygen mask on me, told me to breathe deeply, then I woke up in recovery. I was pretty groggy for a while, but the worst thing was that I had the worst case of dry-mouth on the planet. I couldn't talk or eat (not even a juicy apple) without drinking something at the same time, or I would have choked. I'm still pretty parched today. My uvula (the dangly thing in the back of your throat) is sore from the tube they put down my throat, but I'm okay. I survived! I made Hyrum pinky swear to me before surgery that if something happened to me and I didn't make it, he would put the kids first and not remarry someone right away out of loneliness or "lack of action".

My surgeon is weird. I never saw him, aside from the 2 appointments in his office last week. I was a bit concerned about his hygiene, considering he spread my butt cheeks to check out my damage in his office with NO GLOVES ON! Good thing I'm a clean person! But how many butts did he spread that day before he got to mine? Gross!

He never spoke to me before or after the surgery. He spoke to Hyrum and told him that I had 3 external hemorrhoids that he cut off and one internal one that he banded. I'm black with bruising and extremely tender, and I have one open sore that I can't figure out why he didn't stitch, but the vicodin is helping, and it's making Paisli sleep more too, so that's helpful. I'm just glad it's over. I'm terrified about going to the bathroom though! I couldn't pee for almost 8 hours, even though I tried all their suggestions and they took ultrasounds of my bladder to confirm that I did indeed have liquid in there. They finally gave me a catheter to empty me, then called it good and sent me home. I have yet to do "#2", so I'm pretty nervous. I've been eating tons of fruits and veggies and whole wheat stuff with lots of fiber, and drinking lots, AND taking stool softeners, so I hope all goes well. People don't normally have to push something out of their incision, so that's what makes this surgery so tough to recover from. I've been instructed to take lots of sitz baths, but they sting like the dickens when I'm done! It literally brings me to tears! It's like dozens of bee stings on my tenders!

Lucky for me, Elisabeth (Hyrum's oldest sister), is in town now and is taking care of my little ones for me, along with Maren. I'm so grateful for their help because there's no way I could take care of them without help right now. I also don't like to cry in front of them because it makes them worried. Hyrum's mom helped to take care of Paisli during the surgery, so I've had lots of wonderful family helping me out so much. Hyrum's mom left for Utah today, and we'll miss her a ton. Kiersa especially attached to her during this week. Maren leaves on Tuesday for Utah, and I think Elisabeth will go with her, depending on how much I need her...I think.

So all is well here now...I think. I survived anyway! And already I'm glad I had the surgery because I can tell a difference.